very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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