i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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