So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
