i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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