i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
