I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
