hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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