is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
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If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
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How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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