not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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