I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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