so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
