my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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