Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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