did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
