can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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