I'm going to jail i love you
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
