i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
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Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
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But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.