So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.