is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
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She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
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So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.