it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?