i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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