perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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