she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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