you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
