please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
