My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
