4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
