Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
