or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
