I want to walk on stilts...naked
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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