The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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