Where is the hickey?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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