Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
