is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
