Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
