This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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