Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
