That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
