Girls should come with a carfax report
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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