I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Welp...herpes.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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