You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Randomize
