I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
