all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So much Jack, so little girl.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
