Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
