What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
