You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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