Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
