I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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