Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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