the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
