i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
