Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My dick has a subreddit
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
