My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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