I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize