I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
