he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
