She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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