she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
