smell my finger.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
