Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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