Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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