The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
