dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
