grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize