So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
