Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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