he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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