There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
