go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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