my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
