This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
