Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
