Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
