i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
