dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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